[

mood

|

optimistic

]

Hello.

This will be long, and I don't know how to make a cut or even give a shit to, so please bear with me.

First off I want to apologize to all of my friends that I have basically severed contact with. It wasn't really on purpose, but I have felt kind of embarrassed to talk to the majority of you. I really got into drugs and alcohol, and I think I'm probably mentally unstable nowadays. I don't really see it as a bad thing; I mean I'm not actually addicted to any one drug and do it all the time (except weed, but that's not even a drug), but I do do different drugs every now and then; because really, a few times won't do shit, and who gives a shit. But for the record: I smoke weed and drink alcohol basically everyday, I've eaten both ecstasy and acid about 3 times each, mushrooms about 10, opium maybe 4, and cocaine...I'm guessing an average of about twice a month over the past year. Only a couple of lines each time on average, nowhere near being addicted. And I think every human being should eat mushrooms at least once in their life.

I've lived in UHouse for the past year and a half, and somehow all my friends and I are a collection of the craziest people in Orlando. Seriously, we're actually insane, and pretty deranged; I think fate did this on purpose. But I have absolutely no remorse for anything I've done here, and if I could go back in time I would do it all over again because I've learned so much. I've changed soooooo much since high school, especially in the past year. I literally do anything that crosses my mind. Nothing at all holds back my Id nowadays. You can literally do ANYTHING you want here and NOBODY can stop you, not even police. The crime rate in our apartment complex is through the roof.

I think you have to experience the full range of emotions and experiences in life before you can actually understand all aspects of life. I am completely unbiased with all new experiences, as well as old. I recently realized that after a little while of living here, I subconsciously decided to erase all my previous opinions.

Excluding nothing. Well I mean except my favorite foods, I guess... I can't really think of anything else right now, so yeah almost everything.

My parents and family all fear drugs and have never even once had a talk with me about them (religion either), but now I completely understand everything there is to know about most every drug, and what's really bad and what's not. I'll be able to tell my kids what each drug looks like and how it makes you feel. Not that I'll encourage drug use, but I'd rather educate them myself than let their friends do it. And I see how much crazier our generation is than our parents, so what in the hell are our kids gonna try to pull? If life is crazy to me right now, and their generation will probably be crazier, shit.

I'm majoring in psychology, but I don't really care to go to class anymore because I basically know everything already. Honestly, if I have a question about why myself or people act the way they do, I can think for a few minutes and figure out the answer, and I know for a fact it's right.

I've had all of my valuable possessions stolen over the past year, excluding only my TV downstairs, I'm guessing only because it's kind of heavy. I'm currently coming up from the lowest point I've ever been in my life, monetarily and physically. Physically, I've never had a serious injury or sickness in my entire life, until earlier this year. Then I ate ecstasy for the first time one night, which kept me up all night long. I tried to go to work without sleeping, exhausted, and do manual labor for 8 hours straight. At the end of the night I dislocated AND fractured my right knee at the same time. I was out of work for two months (getting workman's comp, but it only pays 2/3 regular pay); then on my second day back, I got tendinitis in my right forearm. After that's healed, one of my friends slashed my arm with a steak knife (sort of on accident, long story). Anyway it was the biggest cut I've seen in my entire life. But we peroxide it out, and then fill it with salt and superglue it shut. I didn't feel like going to the doctor. No, it didn't work, I actually got a Staph infection, which is what I'm currently "dying" from. I'm on antibiotics and neosporin now, so I won't actually die, don't worry. Keep in mind that since I got my first job at Publix 5 years ago, I've never been out of work for more than a week, so psychologically this had a double impact; the only constant thing I could rely on in my life was working, and that was taken away, then I've been independent for some time, and being out of work drained my money and I had to change my paradigm a bit to get things for free. So yeah, my body was completely destroyed in the past few months.

Monetarily, after getting arrested over the summer (for trespassing on a cow field picking mushrooms, but since they're legal in Florida, the only charge was trespassing; I tripped in jail, and it was fun as shit!) my financial life went completely downhill into negative money. After three days of being in jail (two hours from Orlando in Martin County), I managed to call a friend who grabbed my credit card to bail out my friend and I. That was $1800 on my credit card that I didn't have to pay off. But I got $1400 back. I had to pay $750 to get off of probation (yeah, fucking probation for trespassing). And then I didn't pay off all my credit card because by the time I got the money back, I was out of work for my knee, and saved it just in case. The 2/3 workman's comp payed me wasn't enough to pay bills over a few months, so I eventually used up all my money (and partially wasted on drugs/alcohol). I'm just not getting back to work, full time, and paying off really really late rent. But through being completely and utterly broke, I learned how to eat for free in Orlando, as well as drink free beer all the time. I stole/steal food from campus stores or grocery stores, sneak into mealplan, or eat free wings and dollar beers at a local bar on Wed/Fri. I'm one of the most resourceful people I know.

And as far as the crazy people I hang out with every day (about 10-15 of the coolest people ever), we're all quite literally the craziest people from each of our respective old high-school groups of friends. I would say between everyone, we comprise all personality types, and every single day I laugh my ass off non-stop. Everything anybody says is so fucking amusing to me it's unbelievable. Having had many deep conversations with the majority of them, I've learned so much about shit that until now I had no way of knowing

So at different times, I've lived as a thief, drug dealer, and completely broke. I tried lying to people just for the hell of it, and now I think I could probably manipulate lots of people if I wanted to. I've completely destroyed my apartments, but fixed them before moving out. I've blatantly smoked weed on campus multiple times, once in front of a couple thousand people at an event, just because I know how to get away with pretty much anything I want to do. And I've been influenced by the most insane people ever. Don't think about anything I've done as good or bad. You have to look at all aspects of life completely objectively, with a completely blank mind to learn the most from it. You should decide what's good or bad to establish your own personal moral values only after your collection of knowledge on a single topic is fully complete. but my main point I guess is that I had a really sheltered life up until college, and looking at all my old experiences mixed with the new, I think I've probably been in the mindset of almost all types of people, and I feel infinitely more intelligent because of it. Not only have I lived as different people, but constantly I watch other people while they have no idea they're being observed. I know a lot about people I've never even met, but just seen from a distance. Lots of people go through life with tunnel-vision, but I believe there are no limits to my perception.

I'm probably the most curious person in the world.

I've spent a large part of my life walking around in other people's shoes, but I think I'm going to put my feet up and relax for a while. But I doubt it will be very long, I have a feeling that through my insane curiosity, I'll be forever doomed to not having much time to focus on myself. Not that I mind at all, I'm used to it, and I love learning from people. So most of the time I'd much rather be surrounded by people than alone.

I'm immensely happy with my life right now.

I'm leaving UHouse in August when my lease is up. I've almost exhausted this place and lifestyle, and I need a change of scenery. Not that I don't like it here, but I probably like it here waaaay too much to actually accomplish anything in school. I am going to enjoy it to the fullest for the rest of my days here, and I will miss it and remember it forever. A bunch of us are actually getting UHouse tattoos soon; I'm not even kidding.

But my brain hurts like hell, so I'm going to sleep.



Thanks for listening and goodnight,
Chuck Corbitt

[

mood

|

accomplished

]

I'm at my mom's for last night and tonight, and I'm getting ready to go to my sister's after-prom party at her house. It's weird that prom was already two years ago. I'm getting old way too damn fast.

Of us four roomates, there are only two of us left not evicted, me and Scot. I'm barely hanging in with school, it's such bullshit. I'm trying not to be such an alcoholic and pothead, and I'm really cutting back. I just have the rest of this quarter-pound of weed to sell, then I think I won't be selling anymore. I'm sure that's a good idea anyways.

My small egg car doesn't even exist anymore. I sold it to my brother's mom for a thousand dollars cash. Now I'm driving my great-grandma's car (2000 Buick Century-Badass), and have money in the bank for a change. I'm slowly trying to pay off my maxed-out credit card; that was the reason I started selling weed, to pay it off. I only have a few hundred left to go.

I for real think I want to be a psychiatrist now, and that means med school=gay

I would really like to be a chef though, but as a job it would probably suck ass, I think I'll stick to cooking dinners for myself and friends.

I'm pretty sure I'm moving in with Sunny in August, which will be badass as shit. I don't know if we'll stay in U House or move yet, but there's plenty of time to figure that out. Not really, but I don't feel like thinking about it right now.

I'm drinking a beer from my mom's fridge with a born-on-date of Dec '05. If a beer was left in my fridge for 4 months, I'd expect to see bigfoot in there riding a unicorn, and the virgin mary ice-skating in hell.

Goodbye,
Chuck

[

mood

|

Soberish

]

I don't have my fucking laptop back, I'm using Sunny's computer.

Basically, to sum up last night: I took 5 shots and a quarter of a xanex bar and never even got drunk. I was way too busy worrying and watching over two teenage girls that could easily get raped because they don't understand the types of guys that live where I do.

A new window got broken in my house, and two new holes got punched in our walls, all by my roomate Jason. But I'm not pissed at all. He sort of had a right, I like him a lot.

My roomate Key is in the hospital, basically because he was funneling vodka.

Two other guys that come over a lot could be dead right now, they drove off drunk, wanting to fight each other. One of them later got jumped by three different guys about twice his weight for no reason at all. He may be dead, and he was my only lead to my laptop. That sucks because fuck my laptop, but he was actually a really cool guy.

Thursday I started drinking at 2pm. I bought a case of beer after my last exam, and was wasted at 8pm. It was sooo much fun. I went to walmart with Jason and Krystle and was drunk as shit. They said I saw this black guy and his daughter looking at me, and said, "Don't fucking look at me", and after they were walking away, "yeah, you'd better keep walking". What a giant badass, and I don't even remember. (Just kidding, that was kind of assholish of me.)

I just found out I'm not really coming home for Christmas. I'll be back from the 24th-31st for sure, and maybe a few days inbetween. But the other guys on our night crew at work are gone, and I'm pretty much the entire night crew for a couple of weeks. Sorry.

I want to see you guys when I am back though, so I'll post when I'll be back and you call me.

PLEASE.

Because I don't know the exact dates when anyone will be back, just call me please.

I love you,
Chuck

[

mood

|

drained

]

I'm updating from my computer in my room, only I'm fucking not, because somebody STOLE MY FUCKING LAPTOP LAST NIGHT. How much bullshit is that? There were a lot of people over and somebody just walked into my room and took my shit right back out the front door.

I sort of know pretty much the majority of the people there, and I'm going to question all of them and start beating asses until I get it back. I'll put somebody in the fucking hospital, forever.

I had Sauza tequila for the first time last night. I had 4 or 5 shots of that, then about 5 beers. It was badass. Oh yeah, except for when my shit got jacked. Gay.

A couple nights ago this kid was over that was responsible for Key's nose getting broke, and he got his dumb ass served. Jason was telling him to shut up before he beat his ass, and to leave, but the kid kept talking shit. So John got off the couch and beat the shit out of the kid and threw him outside. What a badass.

And last night Krystle beat this other girl's ass, I think because she called her a slut or something. Who cares why.

I don't really feel like drinking tonight, I kind of want to get a lot of sleep and actually go to class.

See you in Prison,
Chuck

[

mood

|

hungry

]

I just realized it'll be a while before I really sleep again. I got off work Wednesday and had to rush home and do an online quiz before midnight, then register for classes, then drive home. I got home around 3am, and slept at 4am.

Then I had to wake up at 9 to go to my dad's cousin's house in Land o' Lakes or some shit. The food was goooood as shit. I friggin love thanksgiving.

Tomorrow I have to wake up at 4am to go shopping with my mom, and there's no way I can go to sleep early anymore. I'm driving back to Orlando Friday night, and I have to be at work Sat. and Sun. at 9 and 10 am. How much bullshit is that? But at least I get off around 5pm both days.

My mom screwed up my whole being sober for two days thing. I didn't drink at my dad's last night, but when I came over here, bam. The fridge has like 6 beers in it. Goodbye. Actually I've only had two, and I'm only gonna have one more, because getting drunk by yourself is called alcoholic land; plus it's boring as shit.

[

mood

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sober

]

Well, I'm about to go to bed, and I'm sober. It's pretty amazing I think. I have no alcohol or drugs in my system, at least not from today. Hopefully it'll help me not be so damn sick. I'm seeing another doctor when I go back into town I think. I think I have something for real.

I'm going home after work on Wednesday, late as shit. And I'm either coming back Friday night or Saturday morning before work. It'd be better if I stayed Friday night, because that'd be one more extra day of being sober, but I'll probably end up coming back anyways.

I think I pulled my left shoulder or something at work. It's sore as shit. Fuck Publix. I'm closing in on 35 hours this stupid-ass week. Oh yeah, we finally cleaned up our damn house today. It was literally the dirtiest place I've ever seen in my life. And I found a stale two day-old puddle of beer from a keg behind the trash can, and realized that's what was making the whole kitchen smell like puke. But it's all clean now, so don't worry.

I would've cleaned earlier, but I have to work all the damn time, sorry assholes.

-King Chuck

[

mood

|

quixotic

]

I really like to make and see people laugh. A whole lot.

I'm so glad I've made soooo many badass friends that I love a lot. I feel at home here. I'm surrounded by people that I absolutely love being around. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else and being happy.

I'm really sorry that I said I would keep in touch with people after high school and then didn't. I don't like making empty promises. At all; I hate it.

I just want so much for everyone to be happy all the time. I don't like it at all if I think someone may not like me or be unhappy with me. I try to please everyone as much as I can, and hope things go smoothly.

It's amazing when you experience things with people and really get to know them.

I wish I could do my own thing here in college and still be able to be with my family. There aren't enough hours in the day or enough money in the bank to enjoy life. Everyone has the same goal. No matter what they're doing in the meantime, they just want to eventually get to a point in their lives where they can be secure, and not have to worry about how to pay bills or what you're kids are going to eat tonight.

Whether you're going to college to get some dumb fucking degree just to make money, or being middle-aged, cleaning floors at Denny's and scrubbing the sidewalks OUTSIDE with soap, or selling drugs- not because you do them and you're addicted, but because you just have to pay fucking bills and get to the next day somehow.

Who fucking cares?

It would be nice if money wasn't so god damn important and people could just stop and look around and enjoy the company of the people they're with, before it's too late.

That's why I'm going to class. So that later I can have money and not have to worry about life's bullshit.

I just wish I could love my friends all the time and not have to go to work and clock in at some gay-ass time clock.



I think I'm finally getting tired now. After coming down from these mushrooms, I started thinking a whole lot about stuff and decided to write about what I care about. I'm not going to be obsessed with not giving a shit and being an absolute badass anymore. At least I'll try. And there's no reason to be an asshole to people. People just are what they are, trying to do the same shit you do, but in a different way.

Life shouldn't have to be bullshit.


Goodnight,
Chuck

[

mood

|

annoyed

]

I went to see the on-campus doctor today, for free. I had to fill out this paper thingy with questions about allergies and alcohol and smoking. I went in and told her what was wrong and she didn't tell me I had anthing. But she did tell me smoking cigarettes was helping my cough (just kidding, it's actually bad, go figure.)

And then she tried to tell me that since I checked yes for having 5 or more drinks in a row on multiple nights a week, that I was binge drinking. Yeah right, you can't get wasted unless you binge drink, duh. If I ever have less than five drinks in one night, then I don't even consider that a night that I drank.

She gave me zyrtec, boring. I wanted penicillin or heroin or something.

Oh yeah, last weekend I tried ecstacy, but not even a whole pill at all. It was pretty funny.

My goal tonight is to be drunk, since I haven't "binge" drank this week yet. Maybe I'll take some shots, drink a bottle of wine, and have some beers. Then I'll wake up in the Congo or something badass like that.

My liver died a while back, now I just filter everything through my heart.

[

mood

|

accomplished

]

I broke my stupid-ass numchuks last night. I was walking back from a party at NATE POOLE's. Yeah, that's right, he lives in my apartment complex, that's badass. I didn't even really know he lived here, I heard him talk about it last year, but I haven't talked to him recently.

Anyways, for some reason we were almost to my door and these guys were walking by, and they said something to Roa, nothing bad probably, but it pissed me off and I numchuked the hell out of Jason's car and they exploded basically. It's funny how when I'm drunk I forget to hold back.

I made, and slayed, BADASS shrimp linguine alfredo tonight. It kicked sooo much ass. I also grilled skewers of shrimp, and they kicked ass. I'm such a damn cooking genius. On Tuesday I'm thinking about making either the roasts in my freezer in a crock pot, with carrots and potatoes, or marinating this london broil. I love eating good-ass food. (Probably the london broil, because I just remembered I don't have carrots or potatoes, and I've bought so much other shit that I don't feel like shopping ever again (just kidding, it kicks ass too.).).

Voila,
Chuck

[

mood

|

Drunkish

]

I freaking love beer. I'm sooooo happy. This is the first time I've had a lot of beer in a while. I sort of got tired of drinking liquor. My mom sad it was bad for me anyways. (Probably not true).

I got out of work at 11:30 today, and the DUMBASS mexican wax-team came in, and waxed me in. I couldn't get to the front doors because the floors were still wet. So I had to go out the back door. Then I realized I had to walk around the entire plaza to get to my car. But fuck that.

I walked up to the wall outside, and climbed two stories up to the roof, walked over, and dropped down on the front side of Publix. Fuck sidewalks straight to hell. I got all dirty, I don't give a shit though.

I thought I missed another astronomy test tonight at midnight, but I didn't, it's tomorrow. Thank God, I'm sooo close to failing that class.

Only a few more weeks of class, badasssss. That caterpillar that bit me last Thursday is still alive, and I haven't given him any food or anything, I just keep him in an open glass. He's sort of a badass, but fuck him for biting me the goddamn neck. What an asshole.

Ah Dios,
Chuck

[

mood

|

full

]

We just got back from Whataburger, it's the first time I ever ate there. I got a triple meat triple cheeseburger meal. I'm full as shit, you don't even know.

I keep trying to be sober, but when alcohol is free I feel kind of like I shouldn't waste it. Because how often is alcohol free? Pretty much never. I was a little bit drunk and a lot high yesterday. And I made BADASS spaghetti, probably 5 pounds or something. But then there were a lot of people over so they ate a lot of it.

But I don't care too much, they're pretty cool people.

Tonight were having a badass adventure. Me and Scot are going rock climbing at 3pm, but then at 7:30 us and Sunny and Lindse are going to see Weatherman, which is going to kick soooo much ass you don't even know.

Then we're coming home and watching Anchorman with Donald and Parker and getting drunk as shit. Then we're probably going to play Fusion Frenzy, which slays asshole.

Lindse said we could take her flask into the movies, which is a damn good idea, but that means we'd have to get liquor a lot damn earlier, and I don't know how that's gonna work out. Hopefully Jason will be home or John will come over and they can buy it for us.

I'm going home this weekend, and I'll be back Monday morning for class. I haven't been home in forever, it'll be nice. I haven't talked to my siblings in forever, and that's so much bullshit. I have to give my dad insurance money while I'm down, so I hope I have it.

Goodbye.

[

mood

|

lethargic

]

So being drunk for a couple of months straight is sort of badass, but I need a break. I'm not drinking tonight, and I'm even about to go to bed. I was going to see how long I can go without drinking, but tomorrow is Halloween, so so much for that.

I'm finally back on my old work schedule, with 3 or 4 days off a week; it's badass.

I think my liver is pissed at me, I feel like shit during the day.

I only went to class on Wednesday and Thursday last week, I'm sort of failing astronomy I think. I'm going to clean up my act though, I'm going to go to all (well most) of my classes this week, and study for my two tests.

I'm going to look into this bartending job I keep seeing in the paper. I really have to stop lifting things at work pretty soon. My back hurts so friggin much everyday I work. I think I have only half a spine or something.

BYE

[

mood

|

pissed off

]

Well, I'm sort of pissed as shit.

I did make BADASS shepard's pie tonight, and I had a bunch of neighbors over to eat which kicked lots of ass, but now there are a bunch of stupid dicks downstairs being drunk and ugly. There's like a half of a girl down there. I might not mind so much if I was getting drunk with them, but they came over already wasted. And they keep knocking beers everywhere. Normally, I wouldn't even give a fuck, but for the past few days, Key's girlfriend's friend Cassie and our neighbor Catalina have been cleaning the shit out of our house, for no reason at all.

It's a bunch of damn bullshit, I got over our place getting trashed on the night of the day that I clean it, but when somebody else goes out of their way to clean up a mess they didn't even make, and some people come over and fuck it over, it kind of pisses me off. Tonight is strike two I guess, if it happens one more time I'm just going to go downstairs and say that anyone who doesn't live here better get the fuck out or I'll start throwing them out.

I'm making cubed steak pretty soon, and it's gonna rock ass. With mashed potatoes and gravy. And some other badass shit I don't even know yet. Or maybe rice and gravy...yeah I think that. I haven't had rice and cubed steak in forever.

I'm gonna go turn down the radio, this is bullshit. I hope I get to fight somebody.

[

mood

|

drained

]

I had a badass as shit birthday. I get off at 8 on Friday and decide to have a keg. Before the party really starts, I smoke a lot of opium and then some ganja. And then I have lots of beer, wine, and shots, and end up passing out around 6 or 7 and oversleeping work a little bit. Oh well.

After work on Saturday, around 2 or so, I drive me and Racheal to Gainesville, and Ponson and Kristi have already left. I stop at the Chevron Burgundy and buy a pipe, and then we smoke a couple bowls on the way up, and I'm kind of high as shit. That night I went to some crazy ass party in the woods/middle of nowhere/campus or something, and they have what seemed like infinite kegs. I drank a lot there, and sang songs with this kid playing a guitar. He could play several Tenaciuos D songs, which made my night. Then I smoked with this kid and we had to leave. Then I smoked a bowl while walking back. That put us at another party at 5am or something, and I had a beer, started to fall asleep, but having to puke woke me up. So I puked in this kids house and never told anyone where it was, much less clean it up.

GOT EM!!!!

Sunday I came back and was just going to chill and smoke and watch modest mouse. But somehow we had 2 cases of beer and so we played circle of death and smoked a fuckload of opium. And then I decided in a drunken stupor it'd be a good idea to just smoke the rest of my weed, like a half eighth. Not a good idea. I had to keep waking up to hit the pipe. Then I threw up everywhere again. Sorry.

I come home from work last night, and Jason's like, oh we have a keg.

GOOD!!!!!

So I got drunk and smoked with some people last night. Hmmm, partying on Sunday and Monday nights will probably make me fail school, I've got to stop doing it. I've been really high and drunk the last 4 nights in a row. That's probably a bad thing.

Oh, I'm stopping working frozen now. I'm sick of all the damn hours I have to put in. He's gonna put me back to closing part-time, which will be better I think.

[

mood

|

exhausted

]

My managerial accounting teacher tried to keep randomly collecting homework, so I dropped the class. Now I'm down to 9 hours, but it's ok because with 75% Bright Futures you only have to have 12 hours per YEAR. I don't really care if I'm in college forever, that's kind of what I'm going for. It's the most badass place ever.

I think I've decided I want to be a psychiatrist. Not that I won't change my mind, since I do all the time, but I think I will for real. I'll get a doctorate, just watch.

In the past twenty days, there have only been about 3 that I haven't been drunk. I'm not drinking tonight though, so maybe I'm not an alcoholic? About half the money on my credit card is beer, and the other half books. Oh well.

I got a different job at Publix; now I just stock frozen foods, and that's it. I'm the only one in charge/control of it, and it's kind of badass. I work Saturday and Monday mornings, and Tues and Thurs nights. That's my schedule forever. I'm getting about 30-35 hrs a week now.

I can climb the hardest side on the rock wall now, what a giant damn badass.

I was talking to this girl at work for a week or so, then my fucking manager snaked her from me. What a dick. Fuck him.

I'm trying to get addicted to smoking cigarettes, but I friggin can't. I never feel like I need one. I just smoke them when I think I probably should. But it's not working. I think it's because through my grandma and mom I am the definition of second hand smoke. I'm impervious to it now. I'm trying to get addicted just so I can show them that I can quit without a problem.

I'm going to sleep, because I haven't been sleeping much at all. Pretty much every single night there is a party of some sort here and it's not that I can't just go up to my room and it'll be pretty much quiet and I can go to sleep, but if there's something going on downstairs I HAVE to know what it is. I hate the fact that I might miss something badass, even though it's the same thing every single night. Everybody gets drunk or high or both, and then we play halo/fusion frenzy, chess, and eat a bunch of stupid food.

Goodnight