This will be long, and I don't know how to make a cut or even give a shit to, so please bear with me.
First off I want to apologize to all of my friends that I have basically severed contact with. It wasn't really on purpose, but I have felt kind of embarrassed to talk to the majority of you. I really got into drugs and alcohol, and I think I'm probably mentally unstable nowadays. I don't really see it as a bad thing; I mean I'm not actually addicted to any one drug and do it all the time (except weed, but that's not even a drug), but I do do different drugs every now and then; because really, a few times won't do shit, and who gives a shit. But for the record: I smoke weed and drink alcohol basically everyday, I've eaten both ecstasy and acid about 3 times each, mushrooms about 10, opium maybe 4, and cocaine...I'm guessing an average of about twice a month over the past year. Only a couple of lines each time on average, nowhere near being addicted. And I think every human being should eat mushrooms at least once in their life.
I've lived in UHouse for the past year and a half, and somehow all my friends and I are a collection of the craziest people in Orlando. Seriously, we're actually insane, and pretty deranged; I think fate did this on purpose. But I have absolutely no remorse for anything I've done here, and if I could go back in time I would do it all over again because I've learned so much. I've changed soooooo much since high school, especially in the past year. I literally do anything that crosses my mind. Nothing at all holds back my Id nowadays. You can literally do ANYTHING you want here and NOBODY can stop you, not even police. The crime rate in our apartment complex is through the roof.
I think you have to experience the full range of emotions and experiences in life before you can actually understand all aspects of life. I am completely unbiased with all new experiences, as well as old. I recently realized that after a little while of living here, I subconsciously decided to erase all my previous opinions.
Excluding nothing. Well I mean except my favorite foods, I guess... I can't really think of anything else right now, so yeah almost everything.
My parents and family all fear drugs and have never even once had a talk with me about them (religion either), but now I completely understand everything there is to know about most every drug, and what's really bad and what's not. I'll be able to tell my kids what each drug looks like and how it makes you feel. Not that I'll encourage drug use, but I'd rather educate them myself than let their friends do it. And I see how much crazier our generation is than our parents, so what in the hell are our kids gonna try to pull? If life is crazy to me right now, and their generation will probably be crazier, shit.
I'm majoring in psychology, but I don't really care to go to class anymore because I basically know everything already. Honestly, if I have a question about why myself or people act the way they do, I can think for a few minutes and figure out the answer, and I know for a fact it's right.
I've had all of my valuable possessions stolen over the past year, excluding only my TV downstairs, I'm guessing only because it's kind of heavy. I'm currently coming up from the lowest point I've ever been in my life, monetarily and physically. Physically, I've never had a serious injury or sickness in my entire life, until earlier this year. Then I ate ecstasy for the first time one night, which kept me up all night long. I tried to go to work without sleeping, exhausted, and do manual labor for 8 hours straight. At the end of the night I dislocated AND fractured my right knee at the same time. I was out of work for two months (getting workman's comp, but it only pays 2/3 regular pay); then on my second day back, I got tendinitis in my right forearm. After that's healed, one of my friends slashed my arm with a steak knife (sort of on accident, long story). Anyway it was the biggest cut I've seen in my entire life. But we peroxide it out, and then fill it with salt and superglue it shut. I didn't feel like going to the doctor. No, it didn't work, I actually got a Staph infection, which is what I'm currently "dying" from. I'm on antibiotics and neosporin now, so I won't actually die, don't worry. Keep in mind that since I got my first job at Publix 5 years ago, I've never been out of work for more than a week, so psychologically this had a double impact; the only constant thing I could rely on in my life was working, and that was taken away, then I've been independent for some time, and being out of work drained my money and I had to change my paradigm a bit to get things for free. So yeah, my body was completely destroyed in the past few months.
Monetarily, after getting arrested over the summer (for trespassing on a cow field picking mushrooms, but since they're legal in Florida, the only charge was trespassing; I tripped in jail, and it was fun as shit!) my financial life went completely downhill into negative money. After three days of being in jail (two hours from Orlando in Martin County), I managed to call a friend who grabbed my credit card to bail out my friend and I. That was $1800 on my credit card that I didn't have to pay off. But I got $1400 back. I had to pay $750 to get off of probation (yeah, fucking probation for trespassing). And then I didn't pay off all my credit card because by the time I got the money back, I was out of work for my knee, and saved it just in case. The 2/3 workman's comp payed me wasn't enough to pay bills over a few months, so I eventually used up all my money (and partially wasted on drugs/alcohol). I'm just not getting back to work, full time, and paying off really really late rent. But through being completely and utterly broke, I learned how to eat for free in Orlando, as well as drink free beer all the time. I stole/steal food from campus stores or grocery stores, sneak into mealplan, or eat free wings and dollar beers at a local bar on Wed/Fri. I'm one of the most resourceful people I know.
And as far as the crazy people I hang out with every day (about 10-15 of the coolest people ever), we're all quite literally the craziest people from each of our respective old high-school groups of friends. I would say between everyone, we comprise all personality types, and every single day I laugh my ass off non-stop. Everything anybody says is so fucking amusing to me it's unbelievable. Having had many deep conversations with the majority of them, I've learned so much about shit that until now I had no way of knowing
So at different times, I've lived as a thief, drug dealer, and completely broke. I tried lying to people just for the hell of it, and now I think I could probably manipulate lots of people if I wanted to. I've completely destroyed my apartments, but fixed them before moving out. I've blatantly smoked weed on campus multiple times, once in front of a couple thousand people at an event, just because I know how to get away with pretty much anything I want to do. And I've been influenced by the most insane people ever. Don't think about anything I've done as good or bad. You have to look at all aspects of life completely objectively, with a completely blank mind to learn the most from it. You should decide what's good or bad to establish your own personal moral values only after your collection of knowledge on a single topic is fully complete. but my main point I guess is that I had a really sheltered life up until college, and looking at all my old experiences mixed with the new, I think I've probably been in the mindset of almost all types of people, and I feel infinitely more intelligent because of it. Not only have I lived as different people, but constantly I watch other people while they have no idea they're being observed. I know a lot about people I've never even met, but just seen from a distance. Lots of people go through life with tunnel-vision, but I believe there are no limits to my perception.
I'm probably the most curious person in the world.
I've spent a large part of my life walking around in other people's shoes, but I think I'm going to put my feet up and relax for a while. But I doubt it will be very long, I have a feeling that through my insane curiosity, I'll be forever doomed to not having much time to focus on myself. Not that I mind at all, I'm used to it, and I love learning from people. So most of the time I'd much rather be surrounded by people than alone.
I'm immensely happy with my life right now.
I'm leaving UHouse in August when my lease is up. I've almost exhausted this place and lifestyle, and I need a change of scenery. Not that I don't like it here, but I probably like it here waaaay too much to actually accomplish anything in school. I am going to enjoy it to the fullest for the rest of my days here, and I will miss it and remember it forever. A bunch of us are actually getting UHouse tattoos soon; I'm not even kidding.
But my brain hurts like hell, so I'm going to sleep.
Thanks for listening and goodnight,